Redefining Sexual Wellness: Kiana Reeves on Pleasure, Burnout, and Biohacking Intimacy

This February, HigherDOSE is reshaping the conversation around pleasure, embodiment, and sexual wellness and there’s no better guide than Kiana Reeves. As Foria’s Chief Intimacy Officer, Kiana is a somatic sex educator, sexological bodyworker, full-spectrum doula, and embodiment and intimacy coach whose work centers on women’s health, sexual well-being, love, and relationships. Known for her thoughtful, stigma-free approach to education, Kiana helps women feel more regulated, empowered, and connected to their bodies. In this Q&A, we dive into how stress and burnout impact intimacy, why pleasure is essential to longevity, and how intentional tools, including red light therapy and ritual, can support deeper connection. Let’s dive in!

For those who may be new to your work, can you tell us a bit about yourself and how you found your way into sexual wellness?

This is one of my favorite things to talk about because many people end up teaching, leading and creating in the spaces where they need the most healing, growth and development in their own lives. That's really how I came to be in the sexual wellness space.

Sex, of course, intimacy, love – that was something I was always interested in. But I didn't feel like I had a proper education. I didn't feel like I knew how to be in a relationship in a healthy and long lasting way. I didn't have communication skills but I had a lot of curiosity. In the beginning, my path started out really as a doula and working with the female body through pregnancy.

When I was 24, I got pregnant and had a baby at 25. I became a single mother and I had this really interesting experience where because I was a mother, I was having all sorts of changes in my body and in the way my body functioned sexually. Because I was single, I was still in the world wanting to experience deep love, meaningful relationships. 

That really pointed me in the direction of working with the changes that the female body goes through hormonally and physically. This led to a deeper inquiry, which has been the path I've been on now for many years, which is around what makes lasting, passionate, fulfilling love.

I began studying in the space of somatic sexology. I had hands-on practice with intravaginal scar tissue remediation, working with people who wanted to feel more pleasure or help resolve concerns, fears and discomfort they had in their body. That eventually led me into the work I've been doing now for the last seven years, which is really around somatics, the nervous system, embodiment and sexual polarity, which is a branch of neo-tantra that infuses the anatomical background I have around sexual health and functioning with a spiritual, emotional, and relational lens.

My work over time has really evolved and developed into something that is multifaceted. Sex, intimacy, love, relationships, they're all very multifaceted. We're impacted as individuals by so many different variables including our emotions, our external environment of things happening to us, our past experiences, our biology and anatomy, the quality of our relationships.

We have to look through all of those different lenses if we really want a holistic picture of how to have the best sexual experiences. That is how my work has developed and transformed over the years into this holistic multifaceted approach to sexual health, wellbeing and relational satisfaction.

Where do you think society gets sexual wellness wrong, especially when it comes to women, and how are you hoping to change that narrative?

I think society gets many things wrong about sexual wellness, sexuality, and how women are encouraged to express both. One of the most obvious, and deeply ingrained, issues is the pressure placed on beauty and appearance, especially around aging. From a very young age, many women internalize the idea that beauty is what makes us desirable or valuable. As adults, this often shows up in the pursuit of anti-aging products, cosmetic procedures, or trying to erase wrinkles, but beneath that is often a deeper desire to feel lovable and wanted.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel beautiful or desirable. But it’s important to examine where those beliefs come from. When we do, we can begin to remember that what truly makes us desirable, valuable, and lovable is our essence: our hearts, our presence, our being. Everything else is just frosting on the cake. That’s a major misunderstanding society needs to unlearn.

Another pervasive myth is the belief that women don’t experience as much desire as men. This idea largely comes from how we define desire itself. Culturally, we tend to center something called spontaneous desire. This is the kind you see in movies or TV shows, where sexual energy appears instantly, before any touch or physical arousal. This framing teaches us that desire should begin in the mind first.

When women don’t experience desire this way, they’re often led to believe something is wrong with them. It gets labeled as low libido or as sexual malfunction, when in reality, many women experience desire differently through what’s known as responsive desire. Responsive desire is a body-up experience. It’s activated through the senses: touch, sound, scent, taste, voice, and what we see. When we include this framework and look at the science, men and women are actually neck and neck when it comes to desire, we simply access it in different ways.

To add another layer of complexity, desire isn’t static. As our hormones shift and we move through different stages and cycles of life, the way we experience desire changes too. Our access to spontaneous or responsive desire may fluctuate, and that’s completely normal. Understanding this can be incredibly validating as it helps people realize their bodies are working, and that desire is often a reflection of deeper needs.

Pleasure is another area where we get things wrong. The word itself is often lumped in with sex, which leads to it being dismissed as unnecessary or indulgent, a “nice to have.” But pleasure, especially for women, is essential for nervous system regulation and a sense of safety in the body.

Pleasure doesn’t have to be sexual. It can be as simple as wrapping yourself in a cozy blanket, taking a walk in the sun, hugging someone you love, or enjoying warmth on your skin. These experiences release oxytocin, which signals to the body, it’s safe to feel good right now. Oxytocin is a primary regulator of the female nervous system, and when we give ourselves frequent opportunities to feel connected and safe, we naturally have more access to intimacy, relational connection, and sexual pleasure. That foundational sense of safety is everything.

Why is it important to see pleasure as self-care, rather than indulgence?

I was just sharing a little bit about pleasure being very connected to our production of oxytocin. If we replace the word pleasure with feel good, like “this makes me feel good”. It can help you start to see how important pleasure is in our lives. If we spend our days doing things that don't make us feel good, that don't feed our senses, that don't nourish our bodies, we're going to have a really hard time enjoying our bodies. We're going to have a really disconnected experience from our senses because our input is not pleasurable. It doesn't make us feel good. When we shift that and we prioritize pleasure, or let's call it what makes you feel good, through your senses, through the physical experience of your being, then you start to develop this relationship with your sight, your ears, your taste, the way you are touched in a way that nourishes you, in a way that produces oxytocin. That allows you to experience resilience and regulation and a suppleness in your nervous system that gives you much more space and much more access to safety. 

So pleasure actually is foundational to our wellbeing. It is not self-indulgent. It is something that can give us so much more capacity to experience our lives in a way that allows us to be present and to feel good.

Stress and burnout are major libido killers. How does nervous system dysregulation impact desire and intimacy?

When you look at how hormones are created in our bodies, the body cannot produce stress hormones and sex hormones at the same time. When we have chronic stress or we're experiencing burnout, that means that our body is prioritizing the production of stress hormones so we'll likely see a dip in our libido, a dip in our sex hormone production, and a dip in our overall desire for sexual connection.

When we see this as a whole, we're looking at nervous system dysregulation. A regulated nervous system, as in one that feels safe accessing normal ebbs and flows, goes naturally from sympathetic to parasympathetic in a wave-like experience throughout the day. We will feel safe, we will feel available. We will feel like we are able to meet our life and the demands of our life without feeling overburdened and we will feel like we're able to rest and take in experiences of relaxation. 

When we're working with a nervous system to heal it, with our libido, with our sexuality to heal those parts of us, we always look to how can I create more space, more resilience in my nervous system? How can I activate my parasympathetic rest and digest response? How can I fundamentally create a sense of safety in my life so that my body can start to repair and it can turn off that stress hormone production and reprioritize the sex hormone production?

What are small but powerful ways women can begin reconnecting with their libido?

Your libido is a reflection of multiple components of your being. It is a reflection of the state of your nervous system. It is a reflection of your sex hormone production. It is a reflection of your relationship either with your own body or how you're feeling in your partnership or with your sexual partner. It is a reflection of the quality of your day and what's happening externally in your life that may or may not be creating stress and pressure. It is a reflection of how good you feel about yourself. And it is also a reflection of your relationship with your own sexuality and pleasure, whether you've had enjoyable experiences, whether you have experienced sex that is fulfilling and nourishing. If we aren't looking at the whole picture, we're not really going to be able to work with libido in a way that's going to have a big impact.

The most impactful thing you can do to work with your libido is work with pleasure. Libido simply means desire. It simply means “I desire.” And in this case, I desire sexual connection. I desire to be fulfilled sexually and connect sexually, either with yourself or with a partner. When we work with pleasure, we start to cultivate this relationship with our body and with our senses that allows us to feel safe and starts to pump oxytocin in our system, which turns down the stress hormones and turns up the sex hormones. 

Pleasure also starts to give us a roadmap of that which feels good to us. And a lot of women have experiences in their sex lives where they're experiencing pleasure because they're bringing their partner pleasure. I've had so many clients say, “I have a lot of access to sexual pleasure, but I realized that it's only active when I'm with my partner. I'm experiencing pleasure because my partner is”. When you take the partner out of the picture and you ask yourself, how much pleasure do I have access to on my own? We start to see we've never truly developed a relationship with our own body and our own sexuality that makes us feel full, makes us feel excited. When you start to use the senses as a practice to nourish your libido, to nourish your nervous system, to nourish your body and your heart, you'll find that small daily pleasure practices, whether that be a solo sexual practice or a morning cup of tea and some breath and movement that feels good, you'll start to feel more spacious, more excited, more alive, more available. And that is where the libido originates from.

We like to think of pleasure as a form of biohacking. Can you explain how pleasure can support longevity and overall health?

Through the lens of biohacking, which simply means we're using tools that we know really impact our biology, our anatomy, our hormones, the overall function of our biological wellbeing, pleasure is absolutely a form of biohacking because it creates a cascade of oxytocin in the body that nourishes the nervous system, tells you you're safe, and allows you to feel good. Feeling safe and feeling good is what we call in the nervous system world, feeling safe and social. 

You're in your social engagement system. What happens primarily through an experience of a regulated nervous system is that your hormones will start to balance, your inflammation will go down, and your biochemical markers of stress fundamentally change. Everything in your body is governed by your nervous system and pleasure is a fundamental way to bring safety and regulation to your nervous system. All the cascades that happen in the signaling of the nervous system to come out of freeze, fawn, or fight or flight, and back into safe and social, impacts literally every biochemical function in the entire body.

Red light therapy is often talked about for beauty and recovery benefits. How can it also support intimacy and sexual wellness?

I love this question because red light therapy actually affects our mitochondria. It affects our circadian rhythm. It affects our mood and our wellbeing. And all of those things play critical roles in our libido, in our experience of our own sexual wellbeing, and in how we feel about our bodies.

When you incorporate tools like very effective red light therapy, what you are doing is changing your biochemistry to be more adaptable and likely more responsive to creating the conditions for sexual well-being. It's a wonderful tool of self-care, and moreover it's a wonderful tool to help boost your well-being to create the conditions for long-term sexual health, intimacy, and fulfillment.

What are your favorite ways to use red light therapy as part of an intimacy or self-care routine?

Red light therapy to me is quite a beautiful time to be meditative and be in a receptive state. When I use red light therapy, I close my eyes, I receive the benefits of that into my cellular matrix, into my mitochondria. I use that as intentional time to focus on my breath and come to an inner stillness while all of my cells soak in that amazing mitochondrial anti-inflammatory balancing, nourishing light stimulation. Humans have been co-regulating and being nourished by red light since the dawn of time. We do that with the sun! Now we have these incredible tools to bring into our bedroom that are very easy to push a button and receive the same benefits.

We just launched our new Red Light Showerhead Filter. What are your favorite ways to make the shower feel more luxurious and pleasure forward? 

I'm a huge fan of water as a way to support relaxation, presence, and embodiment! Because for me, I know this isn't true for all people, but when warmth and water come together, it's an incredibly nourishing experience. I get so much oxytocin from that. I feel my entire body relax, soften, and feel good. Making your shower, bath, warm water ritual the most nourishing experience possible, again, is working with pleasure. It's bringing tools into your physical felt experience of pleasure that then creates this cascade of oxytocin bathing you on the inside so that you can feel more healthy and more whole. The shower is a great way to do that.

You’re the Chief Intimacy Officer at Foria. What does that role look like, and why does Foria’s mission resonate so deeply with you?

I've been working with Foria now for 8+ years, and when I started, we were a really small team specifically focused more on cannabis and CBD. Since then, because of my background, I've really had a hands-on role in helping develop all of the incredible collections we have, including the Vibrance, Intimacy, and Relief lines. 

Because Foria's mission has always been focused on intimacy, particularly through the lens of holistic, healthy, organic, earth-friendly, body-friendly ingredients, it's really prioritized to me what brands should prioritize, which is what is our impact on the earth? What is our impact on society and what's needed, right? What is needed? There was a huge space that needed to be filled when it came to female sexual health that Foria was one of the front runners in. It's been such a fun journey of nearly a decade getting to create messaging, education, images, etc and being able to be hands-on in all of the realms that Foria is putting itself out into the world has been a very fulfilling and wonderful part of my life.

Are there specific rituals or products you reach for during times of stress, low libido, or connection?

When I feel stressed, when my libido is low or I'm in need of connection, I often will take a bath, take a sauna or bring in my red light. Those three things help me to feel grounded and help bring some resilience and a sense of pleasure and safety in that moment. 

Next thing I almost always consider is how I can engage with my libido. How can I start that wonderful cascade of beneficial sexual pleasure to create the desire for more? I reach for the Foria Awaken Oil, it’s always a wonderful thing to have on my nightstand. I also love the Intimacy Melts and the Sex Oil. The combination of those three together create a cohesive and massively pleasurable experience that then creates the possibility for deep orgasm and deep releases of oxytocin.

If there’s one mindset shift you hope readers walk away with around pleasure and sexual wellness, what would it be?

What I hope readers take away from this interview is a sense of empowerment. Invite pleasure into your daily life. Use tools that truly impact your anatomy and improve the quality of your sexual life, like red light therapy from HigherDOSE or any of the Foria collections, so that you can truly experience more pleasure, more connection, more wholeness, and more happiness.